Why can't I?

why can't I just have a normal life like any other of my friends? I've never been lucky enough, it hurts you know. Everything is not right, I just can't deal with it. And I just can't deal with all the pain. It's just too much. Things will get worse if I try to fight back. Fuck, I don't even understand myself right now. Haihh. Hmm, my butt and leg is hurt too ;( *-.-* I mean, I can't move properly, zzz. My BUTT ;((